Field Notes: Accepting Paradox

observations from the front

The age of knowing more than our nervous systems can handle is taking its toll. The stories taking up the most space are becoming more vicious, their characters more rigidly archetypal than human.

The deepest feeling people I know feel a sort of existential dread around what’s emerging - socially, economically, geopolitcally, weatherly. But underneath that surface turbulence, I’m noticing something else.

Acceptance of what is.

I have a client at the threshold of retirement who’s been unable to step from the conditioning that kept him working hard his entire life into accepting that he’s been successful. That he’s saved enough. That he can choose what to do with his days, even if that includes work. He’s learning to respect this stage of life as legitimate and valuable rather than valuing only the grind.

Another client just suspended our work together. He’s getting real about his finances, and taking responsibility for obstacles keeping him from moving forward. A divorce that hasn’t been finalized. He’s stepping into a version of himself that’s more engaged, aware, present, and accepting than where he’s been.

A friend recently framed this as a shift in consciousness:

Most people orient from a place of life is happening to me. We react and respond to what life throws at us, and hope that it will all work out. There’s often denial or refusal that we have any control over our lives.

Some people make the arduous step into life is happening for me. They’re manifesting the life and success they want through embodiment and spiritual practice. This is where most people want to be, so they can experience material success and relief from their struggles.

The next step is life is happening through me. This is the realm of self-agency, responsibility, accountability. You are fully participating in your own life, not from a place of control, but of connection, choice and acceptance. You know you’re going to die one day. You’re listening with heart, doing what needs to be done, grounded and free. You understand in your bones that you are life happening.

Each step requires self-reflection, slow awareness, and deep humility: it’s not about you, and you’re an essential part of it.

Most people ping-pong between these perspectives depending on the day or situation.

I’m noticing a shift in myself too. I’m open to building my practice more, but really leaning into the liberation aspect of my work. The work I do is to support men in opening, cultivating awareness, engaging from depth, then stepping out into the world. My role is to support and mentor men, then watch them fly. Not to sit with them every week for years.

And that means I need to realign my business. Raise my rates. Adjust how I receive payment. Clarify and amplify the offer. These are scary steps to me. It’s also the next right thing.

Photo by Jametlene Reskp on Unsplash

A dear friend, a fellow coach and entrepreneur, just put an offer on land with his wife. They’re starting a family. He’s excited to work on the house, and tend the land in a respectful way. And it’s edgy.

They’re putting everything they have on the table to make this happen. Holding the vision. Trusting their capacity.

To hear the vitality in his voice as he spoke about this land, just up the road from dear friends and community, enlivened me. It felt right because it aligned with his values around land stewardship, family, and community. Investing in “something you can stand on.”

What I’m seeing: Men sitting with paradox. Noticing what’s uncomfortable without getting stuck in the fear and anxiety. Gathering the support and resources needed to make decisions and take actions that lead them forward.

Not getting stuck in the emotional process. Moving through discomfort into aligned action.